


this won't last forever if we both want to die

by caricature_of_intimacy



Series: I hope it's nicer where you are [2]
Category: The Maze Runner (Movies), The Maze Runner Series - All Media Types, The Maze Runner Series - James Dashner
Genre: Canonical Character Death, M/M, Non-Canonical Character Death, Small epilogue that includes, This is basically about the afterlife where all the gladers end up idk, but not like the actual death its just sorta like now this ones in the afterlife too, newt misses thomas
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-31
Updated: 2018-01-31
Packaged: 2019-03-12 16:17:04
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,613
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13551000
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/caricature_of_intimacy/pseuds/caricature_of_intimacy
Summary: In the afterlife, Newt and some of the other Gladers reflect on their experiences in the maze and the bond they have with each other.(AKA the fic where all canon deaths happened but later I make Thomas show up in the afterlife too just so Newt can stop fuckin pining)





	this won't last forever if we both want to die

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this to make myself feel better after watching The Death Cure lmao. Enjoy!
> 
> (title from Peach (Lobotomy) by Waterparks)

The beach that the Gladers who’ve lost their lives find themselves on is the paradigm of serenity. Warm sand shifts under their feet. Way overhead, the sun burns bright, and its glow reassures and welcomes. Pale waves roll against the shore, nearly reaching their toes before rushing back out to sea. It says, everything returns home eventually. 

This thought pulses through Newt's body like lightning, the one he never lets himself think about, never really even had time to consider before: the thought of seeing _him_ again.

He wishes that it wasn’t happening like this, not for any of them. God, he wishes that more than anything. But there’s nothing he can do.

Sometimes, when they're all gathered together on the beach at night, a bonfire flickering nearby, they recount their stories. Taking turns speaking, taking turns listening, everyone supporting, everyone understanding. They talk about decisions they faced, recall sacrifices they made, share regrets they’re still struggling to move past. They remember what it was all for.

Moments, memories, entire known lifetimes pour out of each of them.

It isn’t easy, none of it is, but somehow, it isn't as heavy as Newt first expected. Despite the weight their stories hold, the atmosphere is familiar, reminiscent of the bonfires in the Glade, and Newt settles into it. He’s happy for the first time in what feels like forever.

They crack jokes, they gloss over the hard parts, and they let go.

“We’ve all been through some shit," Alby says, and Newt thinks that people laughing together is the best sound in the world. “We've all to make tough choices. We've all hated the people who put us in that maze, and we’ve probably even all hated each other.”

Alby makes eye contact with Newt when he says that, and they both smile. During Newt's first few days in the Glade, Alby had threatened to banish him for “behaving like an annoyance” on more than one occasion. He kept breaking the rules, asking too many questions, and just generally creating trouble (and his mind unhelpfully reminds him that Thomas acted the same way when he showed up in the Glade).

“But we’ve also only ever really had each other. And I want you all to know that I'm thankful for you,” Alby tells them sincerely.

 _We're thankful for you, too, Alby_ Newt thinks, and he knows he's not the only one.

Jeff is staring up at the sky as if it holds all the answers to his questions about people he’ll never get to know. “I know that you can't miss someone you don't even remember, but sometimes, there's this part of me that thinks I should miss my family, even though the rest of me knows that's not possible.” 

Winston wraps an arm tightly around his boyfriend. Jeff leans against him, welcoming the support, and adds, “I’m really glad I still have you guys.”

Newt feels a pang in his chest as he watches Winston and Jeff. He tries not to think about how much he misses Thomas, tries to think about literally _anything else_ but Thomas.

“Thomas wanted to save us all.” 

_Dammit, Chuck._

“He wanted to get us out of the maze and home safe to our families. He didn't know about— None of us knew. But Thomas wanted to save us, and that's what's important. He tried to keep his promise to me.” 

Chuck takes a small wooden carving out of his pocket, his face a strange mix of loss and pride, and squeezes the figurine when he starts talking again. 

“He couldn't save all of us, but… I could save him. And I did. And he can save other people because of that. So even though I’m stuck here with you people, I know it was the right choice. And I made this,” he adds, holding up the little figurine and smiling, “to remind myself of that.”

Newt remembers his heart breaking as Chuck pressed a similar wooden figure in Thomas' hand, remembers Chuck thanking Thomas before taking his final breath, remembers Thomas crying and saying over and over that he was sorry. He remembers wishing he could take all of Thomas' pain away.

They dismiss the many terrible facts and try to focus on the less frequent positive ones.

“I didn't last very long in the real world," Winston says lightly, and he shrugs the shoulder that Jeff isn't resting his head against. “But I was there long enough to know that things weren't exactly sunshine and daisies. Maybe there's a cure, maybe there isn’t, maybe things will work out, maybe the earth is disintegrating as I speak. Who cares? All I know is, because of this mess that the world is in, I met some of the most amazing people in existence. That's you guys, in case you didn't get that. So, yes, WCKD are a bunch of shanks, and they basically ruined our lives. But, I mean, it wasn't _all_ bad, you know?”

Newt thinks about Alby and Minho and Thomas. He knows.

A shooting star flashes across the sky, just bright enough for him to notice, and he decides to take it as a sign.

“The only life I’ve ever known is the one I had in the Glade," he starts, and he knows it's the case for all of them, even the ones like himself who made it out of the maze. Their experience of the outside world can't really be considered living.

Newt remembers how it felt to look his best mate in the eyes and barely recognize him, to know that nobody could stop the inevitable, to slowly lose his own self as the virus took over, to beg Thomas to kill him before it was too late, _please, Tommy_ …

He pushes the images away and continues, “I had a place there, a purpose bigger than myself. I learned to be a leader because it’s what I needed to be. I also learned more about family than I ever would have without you shuckfaces. It's about trust, not just in each other, but also in yourself. It's about compromise, being willing to meet people halfway for the sake of everyone's wellbeing. It’s about sacrifice, doing what’s right, even if it’s the hardest bloody thing in the world. It’s about responsibility, stepping up if people need you to keep yourself together, because sometimes, you're the only thing keeping them from falling apart.”

Newt pauses, and for a second, everything in the universe seems to pause with him. Then there are nods all around the group, along with hums of agreement. He hears Chuck sniffle from beside him. 

“But most importantly,” Newt says, “family is about the people who stand at your side through everything, the ones you can count on to be there no matter how difficult the situation might get. They are the people who shape your life, give it meaning, and make it worth fighting for. All of you, including Thomas and Minho and everyone else who is still out there, shaped my life. More than that, you _are_ my life, the only one I have. I could relive it a thousand times, and I wouldn't change any of it.”

There's no point in wishing on a star for something he can't have.

Newt figures that, until they're all together again, he's content to simply exist in two worlds: the paradise they’ve made their home, and the hearts and minds of those who have yet to join them there.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Newt doesn't know how much time has passed since he arrived to the paradise. Time doesn’t really count there. 

So he doesn’t know how many weeks, months, years may have gone by when a familiar voice calls his name. He turns to see Thomas running towards him, cheering and laughing. Newt can hardly believe it. He doesn’t even think, just rushes to meet Thomas, who immediately pulls him into a bone crushing hug, and maybe Newt doesn't know exactly how long it's been, but he does know that it's been way too long. 

“God, Newt, I missed you so much,” Thomas says breathlessly, face buried in Newt’s neck, and yeah, Newt understands.

“I missed you, too,” Newt responds quietly, and his pulse is racing, the different emotions flashing over him so overwhelming he can barely think straight, which is the only possible explanation for his mouth doesn't wait to get permission from his brain before he says, “I love you, Tommy.”

Thomas looks at Newt in surprise, hands still grasping his shoulders, and Newt is about to apologize, or pull back and play it off as a joke, or say he means it in a friendly way, or do anything other than continue to stand there while his best friend gapes at him, but he doesn’t get the chance to say anything because the next thing he knows, Thomas is kissing him, soft and gentle, and it’s somehow better than Newt’s ever imagined, and if he thought he was overwhelmed before, his heart is literally going to burst now. He wraps his arms around Thomas’ waist and tries to remain grounded. 

Newt thinks he could kiss Thomas forever.

“I love you, too, Newt,” Thomas confesses when they finally part, looking happier than Newt’s ever seen him, and they pull one another even closer, foreheads pressed lightly together, neither of them inclined to let go just yet. 

Newt kisses Thomas again, just because he can, before relaxing back into his embrace, chin resting on Thomas’ head.

They cling to each other for what could be a second or an eternity.

For the first time ever, they have all the time in the world.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! Feel free to leave a kudos or comment if you enjoyed, it makes my day xx
> 
> Follow me on tumblr: androgynouspoetrycollector


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